Regret?

If I had known that you would have been called home to heaven when you were, I think that I would have listened to you more.  I think that I would have spent more time with you.  I think that I would have asked more questions about our family and our family history.  I feel like there is more to our family that I don't know or don't remember.  I just hope in the future if any family questions are asked I have the answers.

You know that I Love You and if I could do it again, I would have spent more time with you.  I would have given us more mother/daughter time.  I would have gotten you out more, just you and I.

Not Expecting This So Soon

Went by the cemetery today to see how things looked and I started crying my eyes out when I saw this.  I did not expect this to be in place yet.  I guess just seeing this makes things feel so real and final.  I hope that you are satisfied with it.  I will be glad when they plant grass.  Kinda hard looking at the dirt all around you.

Hummingbirds

Mom, I know how you Love your hummingbirds and I truly believe that you sent the first hummer to me yesterday.  It was so fitting, with this being Mother's Day Weekend.  I keep looking for them and know that I will always think of you.  I remember that year that you had on your red gown and we had a feeder out in the front and how the hummer tried coming up to you.  You gave me my love of these beautiful birds.

I am going to try and get the vine growing this year.  I hope to have some by the end of the summer. I may save the seeds from last year and plant them next year. 

My Birthday

This is the first year that I did not get to hear your voice on the other end of the phone calling me to sing "Happy Birthday".  I have had my sad moments without you being here with me anymore.

I know that you are watching me from above and I am trying to stay strong and make you proud.  I am trying to tell others to spend more time with their parents and grandparents because you never know when they will not be there with you anymore.

Mom I Love You and I Miss You.  I wish that we had more time together, but I take comfort in knowing that you are watching me from above and will always be near me.

Understanding

Who would have thought that one simple check made payable to the "Estate of" would cause so much grief and stress.  Tried to take a check to the bank today to have put into a Cashiers Check to pay for the funeral and was told that I would need to open a checking account under the name of th Estate of.  I would also need to retain an attorney who would prepare a Letter of Testimate. 

Now if I had the money, I would have done all that a month ago.  You would think that when somebody passes and they have no will, no savings, no assets, just the cloths on their back and a few personal belongings that you would not have to go thru all this.  I beg to differ.

Now what am I to do?

One Month

It has now been a month since I last spoke with you on the phone or came to visit you.  Not a day goes by that I don't think about you.  I sometimes wonder if I could have done something different and if so, would you still be here with us today.

I know that in my heart that it was just your Time to go home. 

I need to accept that. 

News

Just found out that my nephew and his wife are expecting possible twins.  Won't know for sure until the end of the month.  I am sure mother that you already know about this and I know that you would be thrilled at the thought of being a great-grandmother again.