Happy Thanksgiving

Mom, this is my first Thanksgiving without you here with me.  My heart hurts knowing that you are not here with me, but I know that you are having the Greatest Thanksgiving in Heaven. 

I Love You

What Is Thanksgiving ?

WHAT IS THANKSGIVING?  WHAT DO WE ALL HAVE TO BE THANKFUL FOR?  CHARISH THE FAMILY THAT YOU HAVE LEFT.  PRAISE GOD FOR THE FOOD ON THE TABLE, THE ROOF OVER YOUR HEAD, THE PHONE CALLS TO AND FROM FRIENDS. 

IF YOU ARE GOING TO BE ALONE THIS THANKSGIVING, DO SOMETHING SPECIAL FOR YOURSELF OR FOR YOUR FURBABIES.  I PLAN TO PAMPER MY FOUR FURBABIES ON THANKSGIVING TO SHOW THEM MUCH LOVE AND SUPPORT THAT THEY GIVE MY ALL YEAR LONG.  THEY DO NOT ASK FOR ANYTHING ELSE. I PLAN TO SPEND SPECIAL TIME WITH EACH ONE DURING THE DAY AND WE WILL SIT AND WATCH THE PARADE AND THEY EACH WILL GET A GOOD BATH WITH LOTS OF LOVE IN THAT BATH.

THANKSGIVING IS NOT ALL ABOUT COOKING 12 HOURS THAT DAY OR TRYING TO FIND A PLACE THAT IS OPEN TO SERVE LUNCH.  THANKSGIVING IS TO STOP AND REFLECT ON WHAT "YOU" HAVE TO BE THANKFUL FOR.

Why Do I Still Care ?

You would think that after what all I have been thru since July that I would not still have feelings for my soon to be ex. 

Why do I still care?  Why do I still feel like I have feelings towards him?  Why do I still worry about him?  Am I still in Love with him?

 That is a question that I have no answer for. I do know that I still care for him and worry about him.  I guess that after talking to him this afternoon and hearing how tired he sounds that got me to thinking about him.  Is he taking care of himself?  Is he doing to much for others and not for himself?

I hope that he knows that I am here for him, if he needs somebody to talk to.  We have decided to part ways as friends.  We have decided that we can still call each other if we need something.

I am glad to know that if I need something that he is just a phone call away, and I feel that he would help me with any problem that I may have.

Help Me Lord

I so try to be strong.  I try to keep a posative attitude.  I try to look ahead and towards the future.  I try to encourage others.  It seems like I am always trying to help others.  BUT where is the help when I need it.  I am so alone.  I don't have anybody to talk to.  I don't have anybody to help me.  I only have myself. 

As I sit here crying my eyes out, I wonder what the future holds for me.  Right now I see nothing but a large black hole opening up to swollow me.

I don't feel like I belong here.  I don't feel like I belong to anybody.  I have no family and maybe a distant friend.

What is left with my life.  What have I got to look forward to?

New Addition To Family

Mother, just wanted to share the new addition to the family with you.  This is your Great Granddaughter, Aryana Elizabeth.  She was born on September 13, 2011, weighed 8 lbs and was 20 1/2 inches.  Not as big as her daddy, but healthy.  I can't tell if she looks like her mom or dad yet.

You know Mom, that she is a Gift from God.  After what all Alicia and Josh have been thru.  I think Hailey will make a great Big Sister.

Feelings

Lets see if I can express the feelings I am having and explain each one.

• Hurt ~ I am hurt that you let your "Love" guard down and went to temptation
• Angry ~  I am angry not at you, but at the other party for tempting you
• Mad ~  I am mad because it does not seem like we can "fix" things
• Upset ~  I am upset because I still Love You and divorce SUX
• Scared ~ I am scared because I do not know what I am going to do being along
• Depressed ~ I am depressed because I really don't have anybody to talk to about my feelings
• Upset (2) ~  I am also upset because you said after mom passed away that you promised her that you would take care of me
• Upset (3) ~  I am also upset that on our anniversary that right after you dropped me off at work you made "a" phone call to "her" and that should have been our special day, but you were thinking of her.

Almost Over

Well, we signed the final papers for the divorce on Thursday.  All that we are waiting on now is the 30 day period, which will be up in about three weeks.  At that time the Judge will sign the final decree for divorce.

Who would have thought after being together for eight years and married for six years that we would end up in a divorce. 

Where do I go from here.  How am I going to like being single again.  What does my future hold.